Dirty Sheets
by esotika
Summary: Kagura knew her heart was too hopeful. But, was it really so much to wonder? SessKagu AU.


Her dizzied thoughts swam through her mind as she fluttered her eyes open. She was hoping to wake up and find another warm body lying next to her in the bed, but she knew that was a reach. She knew he was gone and off; he'd only return for the night when it conveniences him. She knew, full-well, she was asking for too much. She was always too hopeful.

Kagura savored the memories of the previous night. Started out innocently enough, a nearly empty bottle of wine and sitting pretty in his lap. He never asked to come over to Kagura's apartment; he merely showed up, knowing she'd always let him in. Her door would always be open to him, she just was never sure his would be open for her.

Her body entwined in his, his scent overpowering her. Their lips exploring each other, their bodies in rhythm. Her heart beating so loudly out of her chest, she was almost convinced he could hear it too. The way she let him overpower her, as if she was in a drugged, dazed, state. She knew she could've been stronger, but she chose to let him ravish her. Every time, he brought her what she needed. At least, she dreamed.

She knew better than to be disappointed; she'd just have to wait until she became convenient again. She continuously questioned why she kept doing this; she had been through too much previous pain earlier in her life to be doing this to herself. Her temporary temptation seemed to control her more than she wanted it to.

She arose and scanned the room, looking for any kind of sign that he might return. Maybe he left his blazer, his wallet, a lighter. Something that would bring him back.

Always too hopeful.

Letting out a deep sigh, Kagura fell back onto the bed.

Kagura stepped out of the shower, and took a glance at the mirror. Not even last night's makeup wanted to let go. She took a makeup wipe & erased the traces of smudged mascara.

Her heart welled up. She deserved better, she knew it, she had enough power in her to shut the door on him for good. But her stupid, pitiful heart kept it wedged open.

Tying her robe around her, Kagura stepped out the bathroom and fixed herself coffee, & settled silently on her living room couch. It was time for her to recollect. It tended to be difficult when his cologne still lingered in her apartment.

9:16PM.

She knew he'd have a stressed day at his office; she knew he'd come by again, looking for some kind of escape from the previous hours. And there it was, the routine knock.

Kagura stared at the door tensely, debating if she wanted to go through the cycle again. What was the point of torturing herself? Had she really gone as far as convincing herself she was truly in love with him?

 _Stupid optimistic girl_. She knew she was only good for one thing to him.

Kagura sat still on her couch, this time, a glass of brandy in hand. Another knock, this one sterner. He knew she was home. She sipped her glass and tried to ignore it.

 _One final pound on the door_.

"Kagura," he called for her from the other side.

She didn't want to be inconvenienced any further. Setting her drink down, she arose from her seat, heart full & seething, and ready to deny him. Finally.

She swung the door open, avoiding initial eye contact. He didn't have any problem doing it to her, what was the difference this time? With a racing heart, she swayed back.

"You need to leave." She stated. Instead of firmly closing the door shut, she stood there with it propped open. _Stupid girl, close the door._

Sesshomaru stood there, glaring at her, knowing she wouldn't truly deny him. "I want to talk," he responded dryly, trying to stare into her ruby red eyes.

Kagura, with all her will, wanted to slam the door, lock it, & finish her drink. She felt a mix of emotions whirling in her throat. Part of her wanted to cry, another part of her wanted to scream at him.

"I said you need to leave, I don't want you here anymore."

Her heart felt like it was going to explode as she swung the door shut...well, not quite.

Sesshomaru fought against it, and stopped Kagura from closing the door on him completely.

"What's the point of this, Kagura?" He questioned her, this time locking eyesight with her. Kagura stood there, unable to conjure the words out of her mouth. Realistically, she wanted to let him in again, and swallow into the night with him. _Her door would always be open to him._

She knew she had to fight what her heart was screaming at him. "I'm sick of waking up alone," she began, wanting to yell at him. "Why am I only seen as a toy to you? How is this fair? You know what I've been through, you know how I've felt." She continued, her frustration seeping through. Sesshomaru raised an eyebrow at her, almost finding amusement in her words. "I presumed you were mature enough to understand the condition of our relationship," he stated, taking a step towards her.

"Don't blame me for getting wrapped up in your own feelings, Kagura." He began to slide his hand up her neck, and pulled her towards him. "You knew where all this lied." He had now entered her apartment, closing the door behind him. She was closer to him, and she felt herself weaken again. She held a hang up against his chest to push him away.

"If this means nothing, if I'm so disposable to you, why here? Why do you keep coming back here if I'm merely nothing?" She strung the words out her mouth so faintly, trying to look down from golden pupils.

"That is my own explanation to reserve." Sesshomaru replied, before pulling her in for an elongated kiss. Kagura felt a mix of emotions swirling inside her. Hurt, disgust, excitement, anger, joy, and passion, all blended together within her. She knew she'd given up on trying to close the door.

Picking her up, and wrapping her legs around him, Sesshomaru carried Kagura to the room, not once breaking their embrace.

8:14AM.

Kagura's eyes creeped open, her body still tired and limp. She was turned towards the window and saw the sunlight peeking out from the blinds. _"Damnit,"_ She thought to herself.

That was, until she noticed, she hadn't woken up alone this time.

She turned in her bed, head still on her pillow. Sesshomaru lied there, softly still asleep. Kagura drank in the sight, savoring the image before her. "So, he stayed," she muttered to herself.

"Do you eerily gaze at all your partners?" He questioned her, before opening his eyes to meet hers. Kagura's expression grew wondrous. "What made you stay this time?" She asked, wanting to know if he had just overslept, if this was too good to be true. It was a simple gesture, but with Sesshomaru, any hint of affection meant a lot to Kagura.

He pulled her into his arms fixed himself atop of her, before lowering down to her neck. "I told you," he started, nuzzling his way up to her jaw, then her lips. "That's my business."

She wrapped her hands around him and kept him close to her. "Does this mean you'll really stay?"

"You're not as replaceable as you might worry about, Kagura."

She wasn't sure if this was definite, but she would actually hope this time. Her bliss was right here, with him, after all.


End file.
